Honestly… Having spent the whole day with the word "fucktard" running through my brain like a Will Smith song, although less depressing, because of googling Christwire to find out whether it’s it’s a piss-take or not which led me to this I then ended up acting like one by grabbing the wrong keys as I ran out to buy some beer before a mate came over to eat takeaway and drink with me. A quick inspection would have made it very clear that these are not keys to my flat at all, just as a moment’s thought would have led me to the conclusion that Phil NEVER turns up without beer and wine or some combination of the two – let’s not even talk about the fact for genetic reasons he’s usually late to things and it’s pretty cold at this time of the year to be outside without a coat or phone and drinking beer on my doorstep because there’s nothing else I could do when he could turn up at any time in the next 45 minutes.
I must admit that I would have been surprised if someone had looked into my future and told me that just after my 30th birthday I’d be in a hoodie and drinking tinnies on some street corner! Clearly I didn’t do enough of it as a teenager. Two beers later and said booze-laden man arrives, firstly looking suspicious at the loitering white-trash criminal, then laughing a bit, but nothing like as much as the spectacular and unsurprising level of sympathy I got from my fiancee when I used his phone to call her. The girl’s got a wonderfully evil cackle at the best of times, give her a few beers beforehand and it really is something to behold. Fortunately at that point I knew we could head to the pub and there we stayed, shivering until I got the chance to inhale a burger and chips and reflecting that if I’d not suggested a change of venue solely for the purposes of not spending thirty quid in the pub, I’d have not ended up fucking cold and thirty quid down anyway.
And I still don’t know if Christwire is serious or not. I’d assume it’s a clever piss-take, but what it was saying about Michelle Obama just looked a bit racist in a not-really-funny way. Help anyone?