In case I was feeling a bit too zen and happy with life

Up steps St Martins Press to piss me off a bit more and remind me that much of my writing energy is derived from bile and hatred.

Today’s idiocy? They won’t return contracts to me. Now this seems odd, right? Is it because there’s a problem with said contract? No. Is it because they’ve got no money to pay my company at the moment? No. Is it because their contracts policy was written by a three-year-old who never learned to share? Maybe…

Seriously, when you’ve got three parties included in a deal, cheapskate that I am, I assume I only need to print and sign three contracts. SMP take those three contracts and say "ah, all mine – NO, NO SHARESIES!". And all they’ll send me for, ya know, my company records and legal enforcement of the deal, is a photocopy. Because they’ve got to have three originals for reasons that I’m sure are really good and not about their legal department being morons.

So you know me, I’m all about the printing new copies and getting them re-signed so I’m allowed one of my own. No way have I allowed myself to become incensed by this and asked for the details of the person involved so I can send them a patronising and insulting email. Nooo, because that’s not like me at all.

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