Tom Lloyd

So, launch party tonight. Suspicious lack of books at said launch party. Suspicious lack of books in shop next door to launch party, on author’s bookshelf at home or in the hands of the slavering hordes keen to throw money at said author. 

What happened? Well, my first thought of course is that Ms Rowling didn’t fancy the competition and pulled in a few favours. We of course all know that the marauding packs of Isak Tirah fans are frankly a lot nastier and violent that the dumbasses dressed up as wizards who’ve been camping outside Waterstones for the last few days, but also after all the hype it’d be a shame to spoil her party… She’s got children to feed after all and that can’t be easy on a writer’s salary!

So, instead of having copies of Twiglet spread all over the pub, I intend to assume that everyone turning up has come to celebrate me in general, rather than any specific aspect of my life. Feel free to join in wherever you are this evening and raise a glass/can/unfortunate victim in toast of me, for just being a thoroughly wonderful bloke and all-round hero of humanity.